


Mu

by twofaced_cesario



Category: Yandere Simulator (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Other, Pre-Canon, though it will end up canon divergent, thus I don't know the pairings YET
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 12:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18165227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twofaced_cesario/pseuds/twofaced_cesario
Summary: Mu: not have, without. Nothingness.For all her life, Ayano has been pretending to be normal, awaiting the day that she meets her soulmate. Her mother tried to teach her death, her father tried to teach her life, but she needs more than that. Everything has to be perfect for that day, and she has to be prepared in every way. She has to make sure that nothing can get in her way. But planning too much can lead to too high expectations.





	1. Prologue: Pretend Childhood

 

Prologue

Pretend Childhood

 

For as long as I can remember, I have never been able to feel anything.

My mother never worried about that. She said that she was the same when she was a child. At first, I thought that was impossible; she’s one of the most expressive people I’ve seen. Every time she sees my father, her eyes go soft and anyone can hear the love she has in her voice, the smitten way she calls him “darling.” She always acts surprised when my father gets her a gift, and laughs at even his most terrible jokes. Our neighbours say she’s sweeter than syrup, and my father is lucky to have such a devoted wife. But as I grew older, I realized that she was wrong. She doesn’t feel anything either.

Yes, she laughs at my father’s jokes, but I don’t miss the way he flinches when she does. He gets her gifts when she hints at it, and he goes pale whenever she mentions what an “awful shame it would be if it’s sold out at the shop.” I don’t think even he notices the way his fingers twitch whenever she calls him Darling, like it’s his name. Come to think of it, I've never even heard my father referred to by name. He's always Aishi-san or Darling. He does everything he can to keep my mother happy, but I never see his eyes go soft the way hers does. And he made it quite clear, even when I was a child, that he never wanted me to be like her.

When I was a toddler, helping my mother in the kitchen, she taught me how to use hydrogen peroxide to clean up blood, to hide it from anyone who would be looking deeply. That was the first hint I had as to why my father was afraid of my mother. We used to watch crime shows together, and she’d tell me all the ways how to clean up the evidence that criminals left behind. I learned how to use emetic poison when I was just six years old, and how to overdose regular medicine at ten. And the whole time, she’d always remind me that one day, I would meet my special person, who would make me feel whole. 

But where my mother taught me how to kill, my father did his best to teach me how to live. Every single time he caught us watching those shows, he'd switch it over to a cartoon, insisting it's too gruesome for a child. He used to buy me toys, candy, cake, pets, anything and everything that would make a little girl happy. He’d take me to amusement parks, zoos, aquariums, movies whenever he could to make me feel. At first, my mother hated it; she was jealous of the attention that he paid to me. And they would fight. At first, it was was because my father insisted that I grow up normal, but that just made her madder. There were moments during these fights that I... believed that my mother would give me a proper demonstration of all the thing's she's taught me. But then my father  changed his tune. Instead, he insisted it was because I was a symbol of their love, that he couldn’t help but dote on me and spoil me. My mother ate it up, and didn’t even notice the way my father looked sick just saying it.

It was because of that exchange, I don’t believe that my father loved me the way a father should love a daughter, just as he didn’t love my mother the way he should love his wife. He was afraid of both of us. My mother for what she’d done to gain that knowledge, and me for what I could become. He was afraid at all hours of the day, because in his mind, he was surrounded by monsters. When I was young and didn’t understand, I assumed that he loved me because I was his daughter. When I grew up and realized the truth, I realized that he just didn't want me to be my mother. I didn’t hate him for that. I couldn’t. I pitied his way of life, surrounded by everything that he feared. I believe that if I did turn out like my mother, it would break such a poor, nameless man. Which is why I pretended to be normal. I observed the way other children acted and copied it. I learned what other children my age liked and pretended to like it too. I acted frightened on roller coasters and excited at the movies. In time, my father’s fear subsided, and there were times we both pretended that we were a normal, loving father and a normal, feeling daughter.

In preschool, I realized that if I didn’t act normal, the other children would bully me, destroy my property. It was inconvenient to have to replace my things and change my clothes often. At first, I would simply report the wrongdoing to the teachers, but that didn’t make the bullies stop. If anything, it simply intensified their actions. My mother taught me to use emetic poison, but even a stomach ache didn’t stop the teasing, especially since I took measures to avoid being caught. So, instead, I just learned to act normal. By the time I entered grade school, I act well enough to make friends with other children. I learned how to be cheerful, to wear cute hairstyles, to do everything that good, happy children should do. I never cared about my classmates, but I knew how to pretend. I realized that the type of friends that one makes influences how others treated you, so I made sure to befriend a girl who was a loud idiot, to draw attention away from myself. After all, when your best friend has green hair and squeals about video games, people tend not to notice you. And when you have another best friend even quieter than you are, as emotionless as you really are, they talk about her instead.

One day, while Midori, the green one, was in the washroom, I asked Kuu, the emotionless one, if she didn’t feel things. A part of me had hoped that she was the same as I. Perhaps my condition was more normal than my father feared. Perhaps she and I could learn how to feel emotions together, maybe band together to find our special someones. That maybe around her, I could stop pretending and show my true self, to be myself for just a few hours every day around someone who could accept me. That if she could find a balance of emotionless and accepted, perhaps I could too.

“No. I feel emotions.” She had said. “I just don’t like showing them.”

\---

In the second year of middle school, we all drifted apart. Kuu preferred to read alone, and Midori got obsessed with a game that hadn’t even come out yet. That meant that for a few hours, I was alone at home while my parents worked. It was in these moments I could be myself without forcing it. At first, I just passed the time by waiting at home. It was unproductive, but at least I didn't have to put on a mask of emotions. Then, my mother encouraged me to learn how to cook. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Well, after you’ve tied him up to make sure he doesn’t run away, right Darling?”

My father tensed. "Yes, sweetie."

It was in these years that she emphasized meeting that special someone more and more. She was excited for me to start high school, so that I could meet the person who will complete me, save me, fix me. (And every time my father overheard these words, he’d pale and clench his hands.) She encouraged that I learn skills to help me catch my special someone, so I did. I already knew how to clean up thoroughly, so I learned cooking, sewing, and other household skills. I started to read shoujo manga to learn more about high school life. I started to work out to slim myself down, because the protagonists were always cute girls with slim waists. Plus, if I did end up having to kill someone, it would be good to actually be able to carry a body, so I added some strength training exercises. Without Kuu and Midori, I had no need to play video games, so I focussed on improving myself to look better for my future soulmate.

But as I read through these manga, I also realized that my special someone might be targeted by anyone. My mother taught me how to kill these girls, but never taught me how to identify them specifically. I read these books like reference guides. I learned the personality types that I had to watch out for. I read all about the tsunderes and ojou types. I examined common threads and identifiers for girls who would make up a harem. It is unlikely in real life, but at the same time, so is the ability to suddenly feel emotions because of another person's presence. Besides, my soulmate must be a truly wonderful person to be able to stir emotion in someone without. Perhaps he would be kinder than anyone else, or an idol in disguise. The more I read, the more hopes I had for that person. Surely he'd be the one to save me. He has to be. He will be the one to save me, the prince to my trapped princess. But someone that wonderful, that perfect, surely must have others around him. And when I made my high school debut, I knew exactly what I had to do:

Find these harem girls first, and make sure that they won’t get in the way when I meet my soulmate.


	2. Debut

Akademi High is the most prestigious school in the entire city. The tuition fee is comparable to college, and its alumni are among the most promising in the country. It is also my parents’ alma mater, which means that it’s my mother’s old hunting grounds. On the morning of my first day, my mother was so excited as I got ready to leave.

“Oh, Darling, don’t you remember when we used to attend high school together? Ah, those were the good old days.” My mother sighed, a hand touching her cheek as nostalgia filled her mind.

“Yeah... Good.” My father swallowed around a lump in his throat as he adjusted my uniform. “Now remember, Ayano, just... have a good day, and make good friends. Don’t think too much about boys or anything. Just focus on being a good student.”

“But Darling, it’s her high school debut! Ah~ Just imagine the day she falls in love... And some cute boy falls in love with her!” My mother slipped a makeup kit into my bag. “Remember to look your best so you can catch his eye~!”  
  
“Y-You don’t have to think about that right now, though!” My father turned me around towards the door. “You just focus on having the best possible day at school, alright?!”

I just sighed and started walking to school. As the door closed behind me, I heard my mother giggle about my father’s bashfulness about love.

Contrary to my mother’s excitement, the first day was rather dull. Seating arrangements, assemblies... One class even had a pop quiz at the start. But as the week went on, things settled in an easy rhythm. Already, people were choosing the clubs they were interested in.

Case in point, on Wednesday, while I walked through the halls, someone tapped me on the shoulder. “Excuse me.” I looked up to see a purple haired girl standing in a clubroom. “I’m sorry to bother you... that is, if you’re not busy, I was wondering if you could help me out with something.”

“What do you need?” I asked.

“I-I want to get into the drama club, and they’re holding auditions for interested students.” Well, that explains why she’s in the clubroom. “I was wondering if you could help me practice?”

I considered my options. On the one hand, I was just going to eat lunch but... it’s not like that takes me too long. “I don’t mind, but I don’t acting experience.” I put a nervous smile on my face, and that helps the other girl relax.

“Oh, that’s okay, I don’t have much either! My name is Haruka Kokona!”

“Aishi Ayano. It’s nice to meet you. So... what’s the scene?”

“Well... I’m going to play a victim to a serial killer, but I’m not sure which of the deaths I can act out the best so... I was wondering if you could help by being the killer in the scene?”

Of all the things to act out. If I had emotions, I imagine this is where I’d laugh. “Of course. Just tell me what to do.”

\---

Over the next few days, Kokona and I acted out several different murder scenes. I helped her with her reactions and she helped me... refine killing techniques. We looked up the best techniques and spots for me to ‘hit’ her, and we watched movie clips about murders together. At some point, her best friend, Miyu Saki, joined us, perhaps out of a morbid curiosity of why I was discussing ways to kill Kokona with her. I pretended to keep joking and laughing with them, and by the second day, Kokona invited Saki and I to come over to her place so we could keep practising and chatting.

On the day of the audition, however, Kokona pulled Saki and I to the washroom at the beginning of lunch with tears in her eyes. “Um... Saki-chan... Yan-chan... M-My uniform...” She turned around so that we could see a large rip along the back. “My uniform doesn’t um... fit anymore.” She looked down and bit her lip.  
  
“Well, you are growing a lot.” Saki teased as she inspected tear. “Hm... maybe we can find a sewing kit and I’ll fix it up for you.”

The tear looks too large for that, given how it went neatly down Kokona’s back down to the bottom hem, exposing her bra strap. but I just nodded. “We’ll find something for you to help cover up in the meantime. I’d suggest your gym uniform, but that’d look too out of place.”

“I can go grab my sweater from home; it’s not too far from here.” Saki brought up. “I’ll be back in five minutes if I run, and in the meantime, Yan-chan can find a sewing kit.”  
  
“Thank you.” There were tears of gratitude in Kokona’s eyes, “I’ll wait in a stall for you, Saki-chan.”

As we left the bathroom, Saki let out a sigh. “I said a sewing kit, but we’ll probably need to find a replacement uniform. That tear was just huge Problem is, the school tailor’s bound to be sold out since the semester just started.”

“They are also expensive.” I frowned in thought. I learned early on that spending too much money to help a friend can be strange. “But we’ll think of something. In the meantime, you should go get that sweater.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Alright, you keep an eye out, Ayano-chan.”

“I will.” I waited until Saki left before I turned and started to head back to Kokona’s classroom. The tear in Kokona’s uniform seemed too large to just be an accident, and its clean lines don’t suggest that it was natural. If I had to guess, someone took a pair of scissors to it. Sure enough, as I approached, I heard a girl’s voice.

“Well, it’s such a shame what happened to poor Haruka-san!” I peered into the classroom to find another purple haired girl with a felt rose tucked behind her ear and distinctive purple stockings. “Still, it’s just as well. If two purple haired girls went into the audition, it might confuse the club leader as to which one actually has talent!” How obvious. I could even see the scissor handles sticking out of her bag. But the two people she sat with didn’t seem to notice. “The only problem is, I’ll have fix my hair. Why, oh why did they make us have gym right before the end of the day? It takes forever to get it right!”

So. This was the girl who was going to undo all my hard work. Granted, I didn’t care whether or not Kokona got into the club, but this girl was making all our work useless. Besides... I owed Kokona. I might not have an interest in acting on top of my daily acts but... everything we’ve looked into may be handy in the future. And I hate owing people. Plus, it appeared that this girl had a similar size to Kokona. I listened for a little bit longer for the girl’s name. Sunobu Kizana. Perfect.

I went back to the washroom, just in time to see Saki and Kokona stepping out, the latter in a tight sweater. “Oh, hey, Yan-chan. Did you find a sewing kit?”

“No, but... I did find someone willing to lend you a uniform. I’ll bring it to you by the end of the day.” I smiled sweetly.

\---

Getting the uniform was almost too easy. I made up an excuse about having some cramps to leave class early, making my way over to the gym’s rooftop, making sure to get a bucket of pool water on the way. At this time, no one was around, since swimming lessons hadn’t started yet. I waited, listening and watching while the students stepped out, one by one in single file line, and once I spotted a leg covered in purple and roses stepping out, I tipped the bucket right over onto her head.

“Kya!!! Did someone _really_ just throw water on me?! Who would dare do such a thing?!” I quickly headed off the roof to avoid being caught, leaving the bucket behind. “Ugh! This is... Pool water?! Now I have to get this smell out!” I took a longer path around to the locker rooms to avoid being seen, watching the girls file in. As expected, all but Kizana left quickly for cleaning time, and I slipped in. Kizana’s locker would be the only one with a uniform at this time, so with a bit of searching, I found it. It had a disgustingly sharp perfume smell, but that’s nothing that a quick toss in a dryer wouldn’t fix. Five minutes with a dryer sheet, and I slipped out while Kizana was busying herself with her hair.

And just in time. I found Kokona at the end of drying time, the uniform in a bag. “Here. I managed to get this from my friend. Just make sure to give it back to me after the audition.”

“Thanks, Yan-chan!” Kokona’s arms wrapped tight around me. “Now I’ll be alright for the audition! I owe you one!”

“Nonsense. We’re friends, after all.”

“You’ll stay and watch, right? Please?” Kokona looked at me with big puppy eyes.

“I can’t. I have some cramps, so I’m heading to the infirmary. Tell me how it all turns out, though.”

“Oh! Okay... and um... i-if you need a pad or something--”

“I don’t.”

\---

I waited in the infirmary with a hot water bottle on my stomach, ignoring the nurse as she shuffled about doing her duties. To keep my story straight, if the teacher ended up asking her, I said that I thought I could walk the cramps off and be back for cleaning time, so I walked the halls for a bit. She was annoyed, but I acted in the embarrassed way, so she didn’t dwell on it. Adults fall for the embarrassed teenager act quite easily. Around 5:20, I said that I should be good enough to head home, thanking her for the heat pad, then left to watch the drama club auditions from a hidden corner. I suppose I could've joined the crowd watching, but I had to do my best to keep my story straight. After all, there would be unfortunate complications if Kizana put two and two together.

Kokona did well, acting out the victim who was electrocuted in the bathroom. Kizana, unfortunately, did too. But I had to hand it to her in using a swimsuit as a costume for someone who was drowned in a pool. Kokona didn’t seem upset that Kizana was let into the club; she was far more happy about the fact that she got in. I watched as she and Saki’s eyes welled up with happy tears, how they hugged each other tight. They were so... normal.

Like ordinary high school girls. I wonder... When I meet my soulmate, will I be like that too? Will I be so happy that I’ll tear up? I know until I meet him, I have to act like an ordinary high school girl, but will he make me into one, truly?

I thought of my mother as I stood on the sidelines, hidden from view, watching the other auditions take place. I thought of how she acted every single day. The cold emptiness in her eyes, the fear my father had of her. She’s had him for years, but even now, she’s emotionless without him. I wonder... would this person be truly wonderful enough to break me out of that? Would I be like my mother, empty without my father, or could my soulmate make me truly feel? Would-- 

“It is quite tasteless, isn’t it?” I tense and look to the side. A girl with long white hair stood beside me, her hands folded behind her back. “They have no respect for the school’s history if they pick such a theme.”

“What do you mean?” I tilt my head, putting on a puzzled expression. But the girl looked at me, her eyes narrowing slightly.

“You should do some research into the school if you’re attending here. What is your name?”

I fidget with shame to give myself time to think. “Um... Aishito.” I notice the way the girl’s face twitch. It’s slight; she clearly didn’t want it to show on her face. But I pretend not to notice as I put on an embarrassed smile. Then quickly add, “Ayano. It’s nice to meet you, miss um...?”  
  
“Saikou.” Was all she stated. “In the future, you should be more aware of your surroundings, Aishito-san.” And with that, she turns and leaves.

I wait until she’s gone before I clench my hands. Clearly, this is someone who knew a lot about my mother’s actions in the past to comment about that to a random person. No doubt once she finds out my true last name, she’s going to be a lot more on edge, but I bought myself time. I made sure to say something close to my actual last name, so I can at least act like I just made an embarrassed mistake later. For now, I’ll need more information. After all, the heiress of a major corporation is sure to be someone who would draw anyone’s eye. Including my future soulmate.

“Did you see it, Yan-chan? I got into the club!!!” Two pairs of arms wrap tight around my shoulders and neck and I nearly get a face full of chest. I really need to pay closer attention to my surroundings. For now, I just smile at both of them and congratulate Kokona.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this fanfiction. I have done my best to keep the characters as close to canon as I could, though I have changed a couple things. (For example, Kokona and Saki are in the same year as Ayano, given that there's just more to do with them, and their class placements are not set in stone according to the wiki.)


End file.
